7 Deadly Mistakes a Writer Should Avoid, Part 2

Welcome back!

In my last post, I covered four of the seven major pitfalls every writer and editor should fight to avoid. Today I'm on to the remaining three, as promised! But first – for those of you who might not have read the previous blog, I shall briefly note the four already discussed:

1) The Dreary Opening Paragraph (Ho-hum initial sentence fails to peak curiosity!)
2) Uninspiring Description (Be clear! Root out 'very' and replace '-ly' adverbs with action verbs.)
3) Wrong Choice of Homonym ('Bear' for 'bare'; 'of' for 'have.')
4) The Unsightly Comma (As in, 'George Spencer, would never do such a thing.')

Now, with that taken care of, now we're free to move on. So ... here goes!

5) Overuse of 'That' and 'Which
THAT: This word serves a number of functions, some of them legitimate. I have no issue with its use as an identifier, often accompanied in the real world by a pointing finger, as in "That book," or simply "That." And it's downright necessary in some relative clauses as well; while it's fine to say "The book that pleased the boys most was a well crafted ghost story," for example, the sentence would make no sense (some British dialects notwithstanding) if 'that' were omitted.

Yet, for all its legitimacy in certain linguistic situations, your blog or book will make better reading if you eliminate every unnecessary use of 'that.' Why? They're dead weight, and they suck the life out of your book or blog. Feel the difference between these two sentences:
"The editor believes the blog needs work" vs. "The editor believes that the blog needs work." See how much clearer and crisper the first one is than the second?

Once again, we have a problem that arises out of our confusion of spoken and written English. The unnecessary use of 'that' is not a problem in conversation; it's only when a writer transfers spoken English to the page that it becomes an issue. In other words, 'that' is such a tiny little word in spoken English that the ear doesn't object, but when it takes up space on the page without contributing anything the eye objects.

That said, I'm not advising you to go back over your work and delete every occurrence of 'that.' No! Before you delete them, say each sentence aloud without 'that'; if it flies, put your eraser to work. If it sounds funny without 'that,' leave it in!

WHICH: Using 'which' where 'that' would suffice sets up a stumbling block for the reader. Consider the following two sentences: "The book that caused such a stir was a ghost story" vs. "The book which caused such a stir was a ghost story." While some authorities would not consider the second sentence ungrammatical, it is clumsy, and the repeated use of 'which' for 'that' will turn a blog or book into an obstacle course for the reader.

There are places where 'which' should be used instead of 'that' to introduce a relative clause – specifically, when the relative clause that does not aid in the identification of the thing referred to but only provides information about it, as in 'This book, which I didn't expect to enjoy, took my breath away.'

6) Other 'Dead Weight' Words
Do you really think it's fair to require your reader to hack through a jungle of words like 'have,' 'has been,' 'be,' 'of',' and 'with'? These little words don't contribute much content, and the creative writer finds ways to minimize their use.

• Get ride of excessive occurrences of the various forms of the verb 'be' by substituting active verbs for passive constructions. ('The library ordered the book for me' vs. 'The book was ordered for me.')

• Overuse of the verb 'have' is kept to a minimum when the writer turns past perfect verbs into simple past tense and using another expression to clarify the temporal reference. ('As kids we often walked on that road' vs. 'We had often walked on that road.')

• Overuse of 'of' can be mitigated by using the possessive form. ('Susan's book' vs. 'that book of Susan's'.)

• The word 'with' covers a lot of territory in English. Why not replace it with a descriptive phrase to clarify the meaning and enliven the text? ('She picked up a knife and slashed the box open' vs. 'She opened the box with a knife.')

7) Opaque Vocabulary and Sentence Structure
If I'm reading a book or a blog, I like to think I'm understanding its message. As a writer, there are a number of tools at your disposal to help me feel better in this regard.

•'Obfuscatory' is a word that speaks for itself – if only I knew what it was saying...! Unless you're writing for academicians, engineers, doctors or lawyers, avoid using ten-dollar words and jargon. Consider your audience and adjust your vocabulary accordingly.

• If you're writing a sentence packed with interwoven ideas, consider breaking it up into two or even three sentences. Today's harried and hurried reader has little patience for unnecessarily complex prose. Breaking up your sentences also gives you an opportunity to vary your sentence length to achieve the variety in tempo that gives texture to your writing.

• If you are expressing two or more complex bits of information about a single person or thing, I suggest you either conjoin them with 'and' or, if you use a nonparallel grammatical structure, that you keep the name of the person or thing together with the main clause. To illustrate: 'Never one to avoid controversy, John jumped in with both feet' is easier to process than 'John, never one to avoid controversy, jumped in with both feet.'

• In nonfiction, set lists of items you want me to remember apart with bullets.

If you take the time to go through your book or blog and find and eliminate the obstacles you've placed in the reader's path, your writing will be easier on the reader. Get the lead out!